Public Utility Vehicle Pasahero

i am alone in a foreign land.with a few known friends and alot of unknown, to-be-earned friends but definitely no family.
its a puzzle why i am here.
why am i really here? I dont know.
evry second of every minute of every hour of everyday of week of evry month, i long for my family or my son. that is the reason i guess. a big mistake.
why am ihere?
to work, to earn money -- lots of it! to secure my childs future. things that the country i love cant provide.
I have become melo dramatic since i arrived here. that's the good side of all this shit. i have come to know the new me, the ever changing me. God knows what will happen in the coming days (I have come to know God and call him -- another "good" thing). I might end up on side street on the foot of our 5 storey HDB bldg, with a crakced head OR a lung cancer patient in one of the epxensive hosptals here because i consume 3 packs of marlboro light per week or in the staircase unconcious bathe with shit and puke because of so being wasted by last nights drinking session or in my 2 person room, alone and lying in my bed, brain dead...